Graveside Prayers & Customs
Cemetery Customs
It is customary to place a small stone on the grave when visiting. The stone marks that the grave has been visited and that the departed are not forgotten. The memorial prayer is traditionally chanted in the nusach known as Ahavah Rabbah and includes a pledge to give tzedakah (charity) in memory of the deceased. Upon leaving the cemetery, many observe ritual hand washing to mark the transition back to daily life.
Mourner’s Kaddish
Transliteration
Yitgadal v’yitkadash sh’mei rabba b’alma di‑v’ra chir’utei, v’yamlich malchutei b’chayeichon u‑v’yomeichon u‑v’chayei d’khol beit Yisrael, ba’agala u‑vizman kariv, v’imru: Amen.
Y’hei sh’mei rabba m’varach l’alam u‑l’almei almaya. Yitbarach v’yishtabach, v’yitpa’ar v’yitromam v’yitnaseh, v’yit’hadar v’yit’aleh v’yit’halal sh’mei d’kudsha, b’rich hu.
L’eila min kol birchata v’shirata, tushb’chata v’nechemata, da’amiran b’alma, v’imru: Amen.
Y’hei shloma rabba min sh’maya v’chayim aleinu v’al kol Yisrael, v’imru: Amen.
Oseh shalom bimromav, hu ya’aseh shalom aleinu v’al kol Yisrael, v’imru: Amen.
קדיש יתום
יִתְגַּדַּל וְיִתְקַדַּשׁ שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא בְעָלְמָא דִּי בְרָא כִרְעוּתֵהּ, וְיַמְלִיךְ מַלְכוּתֵהּ בְּחַיֵּיכוֹן וּבְיוֹמֵיכוֹן וּבְחַיֵּי דְכָל בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל, בְּעָגָלָא וּבִזְמַן קָרִיב, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן.
יְהֵא שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא מְבָרַךְ לְעָלַם וּלְעָלְמֵי עָלְמַיָּא.
יִתְבָּרַךְ וְיִשְׁתַּבַּח וְיִתְפָּאַר וְיִתְרוֹמַם וְיִתְנַשֵּׂא וְיִתְהַדָּר וְיִתְעַלֶּה וְיִתְהַלָּל שְׁמֵהּ דְּקֻדְשָׁא בְּרִיךְ הוּא
לְעֵלָּא מִן כָּל בִּרְכָתָא וְשִׁירָתָא תּוּשְׁבְּחָתָא וְנֶחֱמָתָא דַּאֲמִירָן בְּעָלְמָא, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן.
יְהֵא שְׁלָמָא רַבָּא מִן שְׁמַיָּא וְחַיִּים עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשְׂרָאֵל, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן.
עוֹשֶׂה שָׁלוֹם בִּמְרוֹמָיו, הוּא יַעֲשֶׂה שָׁלוֹם עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשְׂרָאֵל, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן.
Memorial Prayers
Memorial Prayer (English)
For a Man: O God, exalted and full of compassion, grant perfect peace in Your sheltering Presence, among the holy and pure, to the soul of __________, who has gone to his eternal home. Master of mercy, remember all the worthy deeds he performed in the land of the living. May his soul be bound up in the bond of life; the Lord is his portion. May he rest in peace. Let us say: Amen.
For a Woman: O God, exalted and full of compassion, grant perfect peace in Your sheltering Presence, among the holy and pure, to the soul of __________, who has gone to her eternal home. Master of mercy, remember all the worthy deeds she performed in the land of the living. May her soul be bound up in the bond of life; the Lord is her portion. May she rest in peace. Let us say: Amen.
אל מלא רחמים — לזכר גבר
אֵל מָלֵא רַחֲמִים, שׁוֹכֵן בַּמְּרוֹמִים, הַמְצֵא מְנוּחָה נְכוֹנָה עַל כַּנְפֵי הַשְּׁכִינָה, בְּמַעֲלוֹת קְדוֹשִׁים וּטְהוֹרִים, כְּזֹהַר הָרָקִיעַ מַזְהִירִים, אֶת נִשְׁמַת __________ בֶּן __________, שֶׁהָלַךְ לְעוֹלָמוֹ, בַּעֲבוּר שֶׁנָּדְבוּ צְדָקָה בְּעַד הַזְכָּרַת נִשְׁמָתוֹ, בְּגַן עֵדֶן תְּהֵא מְנוּחָתוֹ. לָכֵן בַּעַל הָרַחֲמִים יַסְתִּירֵהוּ בִּצְרוֹר הַחַיִּים, ה׳ הוּא נַחֲלָתוֹ. וְיִנּוֹחַ עַל מִשְׁכָּבוֹ בְּשָׁלוֹם, וְנֹאמַר: אָמֵן.
אל מלא רחמים — לזכר אשה
אֵל מָלֵא רַחֲמִים, שׁוֹכֵן בַּמְּרוֹמִים, הַמְצֵא מְנוּחָה נְכוֹנָה עַל כַּנְפֵי הַשְּׁכִינָה, בְּמַעֲלוֹת קְדוֹשִׁים וּטְהוֹרִים, כְּזֹהַר הָרָקִיעַ מַזְהִירִים, אֶת נִשְׁמַת __________ בַּת __________, שֶׁהָלְכָה לְעוֹלָמָהּ, בַּעֲבוּר שֶׁנָּדְבוּ צְדָקָה בְּעַד הַזְכָּרַת נִשְׁמָתָהּ, בְּגַן עֵדֶן תְּהֵא מְנוּחָתָהּ. לָכֵן בַּעַל הָרַחֲמִים יַסְתִּירֶהָ בִּצְרוֹר הַחַיִּים, ה׳ הוּא נַחֲלָתָהּ. וְתָנוּחַ עַל מִשְׁכָּבָהּ בְּשָׁלוֹם, וְנֹאמַר: אָמֵן.
Psalm 23
A Psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside still waters. He restoreth my soul; He guideth me in straight paths for His name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; Thou hast anointed my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
מִזְמוֹר לְדָוִד. יְהֹוָה רֹעִי לֹא אֶחְסָר. בִּנְאוֹת דֶּשֶׁא יַרְבִּיצֵנִי; עַל מֵי מְנֻחוֹת יְנַהֲלֵנִי. נַפְשִׁי יְשׁוֹבֵב; יַנְחֵנִי בְמַעְגְּלֵי־צֶדֶק לְמַעַן שְׁמוֹ. גַּם כִּי־אֵלֵךְ בְּגֵיא צַלְמָוֶת לֹא־אִירָא רָע כִּי־אַתָּה עִמָּדִי; שִׁבְטְךָ וּמִשְׁעַנְתֶּךָ— הֵמָּה יְנַחֲמֻנִי. תַּעֲרֹךְ לְפָנַי שֻׁלְחָן נֶגֶד צֹרְרָי; דִּשַּׁנְתָּ בַשֶּׁמֶן רֹאשִׁי; כּוֹסִי רְוָיָה. אַךְ טוֹב וָחֶסֶד יִרְדְּפוּנִי כָּל־יְמֵי חַיָּי; וְשַׁבְתִּי בְּבֵית־יְהֹוָה לְאֹרֶךְ יָמִים.
Psalm 121
A Song of Ascents. I will lift up mine eyes unto the mountains; from whence shall my help come? My help cometh from the LORD, Maker of heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved; He that keepeth thee will not slumber. Behold, He that keepeth Israel doth neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is thy keeper; the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand. The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD shall keep thee from all evil; He shall keep thy soul. The LORD shall guard thy going out and thy coming in, from this time forth, and for ever.
שִׁיר לַמַּעֲלוֹת. אֶשָּׂא עֵינַי אֶל־הֶהָרִים; מֵאַיִן יָבֹא עֶזְרִי? עֶזְרִי מֵעִם יְהוָה; עֹשֵׂה שָׁמַיִם וָאָרֶץ. אַל־יִתֵּן לַמּוֹט רַגְלֶךָ; אַל־יָנוּם שֹׁמְרֶךָ. הִנֵּה לֹא־יָנוּם וְלֹא יִישָׁן; שׁוֹמֵר יִשְׂרָאֵל. יְהוָה שֹׁמְרֶךָ; יְהוָה צִלְּךָ עַל־יַד יְמִינֶךָ. יוֹמָם הַשֶּׁמֶשׁ לֹא־יַכֶּכָּה; וְיָרֵחַ בַּלָּיְלָה. יְהוָה יִשְׁמָרְךָ מִכָּל־רָע; יִשְׁמֹר אֶת־נַפְשֶׁךָ. יְהוָה יִשְׁמָר־צֵאתְךָ וּבוֹאֶךָ; מֵעַתָּה וְעַד־עוֹלָם.
Psalm 130
A Song of Ascents. Out of the depths have I called Thee, O LORD. Lord, hearken unto my voice; let Thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications. If Thou, LORD, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? For with Thee there is forgiveness, that Thou mayest be feared. I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in His word do I hope. My soul waiteth for the Lord, more than watchmen for the morning; yea, more than watchmen for the morning. O Israel, hope in the LORD; for with the LORD there is mercy, and with Him is plenteous redemption. And He will redeem Israel from all his iniquities.
שִׁיר הַמַּעֲלוֹת. מִמַּעֲמַקִּים קְרָאתִיךָ יְהוָה. אֲדֹנָי שִׁמְעָה בְקוֹלִי; תִּהְיֶינָה אָזְנֶיךָ קַשֻּׁבוֹת לְקוֹל תַּחֲנוּנָי. אִם־עֲוֹנוֹת תִּשְׁמָר־יָהּ— אֲדֹנָי, מִי יַעֲמֹד? כִּי עִמְּךָ הַסְּלִיחָה— לְמַעַן תִּוָּרֵא. קִוִּיתִי יְהוָה; קִוְּתָה נַפְשִׁי, וְלִדְבָרוֹ הוֹחָלְתִּי. נַפְשִׁי לַאדֹנָי— מִשֹּׁמְרִים לַבֹּקֶר; שֹׁמְרִים לַבֹּקֶר. יַחֵל יִשְׂרָאֵל אֶל־יְהוָה; כִּי עִם־יְהוָה הַחֶסֶד, וְהַרְבֵּה עִמּוֹ פְדוּת. וְהוּא יִפְדֶּה אֶת־יִשְׂרָאֵל, מִכֹּל עֲוֹנֹתָיו.
Psalm 21
1. For the Leader. A Psalm of David.
2. O LORD, in Thy strength the king rejoiceth; and in Thy salvation how greatly doth he exult!
3. Thou hast given him his heart’s desire, and the request of his lips Thou hast not withholden. Selah.
4. For Thou meetest him with choicest blessings; Thou settest a crown of fine gold on his head.
5. He asked life of Thee, Thou gavest it him; even length of days for ever and ever.
6. His glory is great through Thy salvation; honour and majesty dost Thou lay upon him.
7. For Thou makest him most blessed for ever; Thou makest him glad with joy in Thy presence.
8. For the king trusteth in the LORD, yea, in the mercy of the Most High; he shall not be moved.
9. Thy hand shall be equal to all thine enemies; thy right hand shall overtake those that hate thee.
10. Thou shalt make them as a fiery furnace in the time of thine anger; the LORD shall swallow them up in His wrath, and the fire shall devour them.
11. Their fruit shalt thou destroy from the earth, and their seed from among the children of men.
12. For they intended evil against thee; they imagined a device, wherewith they shall not prevail.
13. For thou shalt make them turn their back; thou shalt make ready with thy bowstrings against the face of them.
14. Be Thou exalted, O LORD, in Thy strength; so will we sing and praise Thy power.
א. לַמְנַצֵּחַ מִזְמוֹר לְדָוִד.
ב. יְהוָה בְּעָזְּךָ יִשְׂמַח־מֶלֶךְ וּבִישׁוּעָתְךָ מַה־יָּגִיל מְאֹד.
ג. תַּאֲוַת לִבּוֹ נָתַתָּה לּוֹ וַאֲרֶשֶׁת שְׂפָתָיו בַּל־מָנַעְתָּ סֶּלָה.
ד. כִּי־תְקַדְּמֶנּוּ בִּרְכוֹת־טוֹב; תָּשִׁית לְרֹאשׁוֹ עֲטֶרֶת פָּז.
ה. חַיִּים שָׁאַל מִמְּךָ— נָתַתָּה לּוֹ; אֹרֶךְ יָמִים עוֹלָם וָעֶד.
ו. גָּדוֹל כְּבוֹדוֹ בִּישׁוּעָתֶךָ; הוֹד וְהָדָר תְּשַׁוֶּה עָלָיו.
ז. כִּי־תְשִׁיתֵהוּ בְּרָכוֹת לָעַד; תְּחַדֵּהוּ בְשִׂמְחָה אֶת־פָּנֶיךָ.
ח. כִּי־הַמֶּלֶךְ בּוֹטֵחַ בַּיהוָה; וּבְחֶסֶד עֶלְיוֹן בַּל־יִמּוֹט.
ט. תִּמְצָא יָדְךָ לְכָל־אֹיְבֶיךָ; יְמִינְךָ תִּמְצָא שֹׂנְאֶיךָ.
י. תְּשִׁיתֵמוֹ כְּתַנּוּר־אֵשׁ לְעֵת פָּנֶיךָ; יְהוָה בְּאַפּוֹ יְבַלְּעֵם וְתֹאכְלֵם אֵשׁ.
י״א. פִּרְיָמוֹ מֵאֶרֶץ תְּאַבֵּד; וְזַרְעָם מִבְּנֵי אָדָם.
י״ב. כִּי־נָטוּ עָלֶיךָ רָעָה; חָשְׁבוּ מְזִמָּה— בַּל־יוּכָלוּ.
י״ג. כִּי־תְשִׁיתֵמוֹ שֶׁכֶם; בְּמֵיתָרֶיךָ תְּכוֹנֵן עַל־פְּנֵיהֶם.
י״ד. רוּמָה יְהוָה בְּעֻזֶּךָ; נָשִׁירָה וּנְזַמְּרָה גְּבוּרָתֶךָ.
Unveiling
Bless this family with love and peace, that they may serve You with a perfect heart. Accept their act of devotion as they consecrate this monument to the memory of __________ with love and respect.
תְּהֵא נִשְׁמָתוֹ/נִשְׁמָתָהּ צְרוּרָה בִּצְרוֹר הַחַיִּים. אָמֵן.
Consolation
The Lord heals the broken‑hearted and binds up their wounds. Almighty God, Master of mercy, let neither death nor sorrow have dominion over us. Grant comfort, strength, and consolation to those who mourn __________, as it is written: “The Lord shall be your enduring light, and the days of your mourning shall come to an end.”